Hi, my name is little Pedro Negro. I'm the one who distributes coal to all the naughty girls and boys in a couple of days - same time, every year. My boss, Santa Claus, changed his name a few centuries ago. He was getting a lot of bad publicity, mostly because of his work, and how he used to carry it out. You see, his major purpose, his life's work, the cry of his heart, is to undermine humanity's devotion to Jesus Christ.
He used to accomplish his purposes by persecuting Christians. But he was always taking so much heat from people, always being fought against, always had such a bad reputation.
But as humanity grew more worldly, more dull to the things of God, more materialistic, he had a vision: change his name, change his approach, cloak his true identity, and he could capture much more of the market share of human potential...
It started in western Europe. He took on the persona of a benevolent, saintly old chubster named Nicolas, who was fond of children. Nicolas liked to make toys and hand them out on the traditional birthday of Christ. The toys would end up under a decorated evergreen tree, a tradition made popular by the melding of pagan rituals and folklore with sketchy state-run Christian church historical interpretation (another great accomplishment of my big boss).
So, if you've been nice this year, you will be getting plenty of booty from Mr. Claus, and if you've been really, really naughty, I will be the one delivering your Santamas surprises. I suggest you watch your P's and Q's next year, to ensure your name is on the list for lots and lots of material things to light up your eyes during the most craziest time of the year. Just remember, the choice is yours - a lump of coal from yours truly, little Pedro Negro, or a nice, heartwarming surprise from my boss, Mr. Claus, formerly known as Satan.
P.S. - See you on Easter. I'll be dressed in the bunny suit.
Note from the blog post author:
Before writing hateful or condescending comments, please keep in mind that devotion to Christ, long having become an arcane excuse to do so many perplexing things during "the holidays", is eclipsed in this day and age by Santa Claus, shopping, fighting for parking places, getting drunk, going into debt, overeating, annual-insurance-policy-church-sitting, etc. And I'm not fond of it. I feel the same way about Easter which, given the celebrated occasion (resurrection of Christ), is even more bizarre in its departure from sanity. Sorry for offending you.